Spending Eternity
by crazybeautiful0711
Summary: Edward never came back for Bella after he left her in New Moon. However, Victoria had still come back for her and bit her before being killed by the werewolves. Now Bella has been a vampire for 5 years and runs into Edward for the first time at college.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own these characters.**

Chapter 1

BPOV

It had been five years. More than enough time since the incident. More than enough time to gain control of what I had unwillingly become. My thoughts started drifting to a time in which I had actually dreamt of becoming this, longing with all of my being to be this…monster. But at that time my dreams consisted of me being this monster with _him_ so it really didn't seem monstrous at all. Spending eternity together, loving him, and being complete with him. Forever.

It had all seemed so glorious, and it would have been, had I been enough. Enough to make him love me, desire me, need me as I needed him. Of course I had always known that I would never be enough, and I would always be thankful of that short amount of time he granted me the privilege of knowing the most exquisite man of my existence. I could say that now, not knowing how long my existence might be. Before he was always the most exquisite man of my life, but now that my heart no longer beat, those words took on an entirely different meaning.

I quickly snapped myself back to present before my thoughts could wander any further. I knew I was dangerously close to having the hole in my chest rip open once again, and I just wanted one day that I didn't have to curl into a ball to keep myself together. Luckily, at that moment my best friend/roommate/mentor, Kate, entered the room with a look of dismay written all over her face.

"Bella, why haven't you dressed yourself yet? We are going to be late!" she said as she threw a pair of jeans my direction while looking around at the mess I had created in my room. I had been looking for the perfect outfit to wear, even though I knew my sad collection of clothing was still as dull as it had been when I was human. And I also knew she was growing frustrated. One thing that Kate could not stand was to be late, to anything.

"I can't decide what to wear! It's my very first day of college, I have a right to be a little nervous and excited don't you think? Besides, if worst comes to worst, it's not like we can't run there in less than half the time it would take us to drive." I smiled when I said this, and she did too, knowing that the thing I loved most about being a vampire was running.

"Yes I know this, but really, I don't know what you're getting so worked up about. Yes, this is your first day of college, but really Bella, you are going to have so many 'first days of college' in your existence that it will soon become a big bore to you."

"But this is my very first day, very first major I've picked, very first college I'm going to attend, very first degree I'm going to earn. One hundred years from now after I've graduated many times over, I will still always remember this experience the most!" I said this as I was already wondering what other degrees I would like to accomplish, but I knew that there would be plenty of time to think about that. Eternity to be exact.

"I know, I know, Bella. You've explained this to me a hundred times. Now put on some shoes and let's get going!"

I sighed and reached down to pick up my favorite pair of sneakers, grabbed my bag, and followed her out the door. I would never tell my other reason for being nervous about starting college. This would be my first experience being around humans, and a lot of them, all at once. I had never killed a human, and I planned to keep that perfect record. I lived on only animal blood, like others of my kind, but it still felt like I was never really satisfied. The temptation for human blood was a lot more powerful than I had ever anticipated which is why I chose to wait 5 years before attempting to live a normal "human" life again.

I had to give him credit, when he was able to be so close to me and not kill me. Sometimes all it took was to hear a human's heart beating and the venom would start flooding my mouth. I don't know how he was able to listen to my blood flowing, touch me, kiss me and resist…

I had to force myself to snap out of it again. I couldn't think about him kissing me. I couldn't think about the way his icy lips felt against my heated ones. I couldn't wonder how it would feel now, ice against ice…

_What is with you today Bella?_ I was internally scolding myself for thinking about him so much today. I couldn't understand why the sudden change. I had done relatively well recently with avoiding thinking about him, but today, he was all that was on my mind. Then it hit me. I was attending my first year of college as a vampire. One of the things that he wanted me to experience as a human. In fact, he had wanted me to experience everything as a human, which is why he hadn't been the one to change me. He said it was to protect my soul, but I soon found out it was simply because he didn't want to be with me forever, in fact he didn't even want to be with me at all. I realized that I was thinking about him so much because he would probably be very angry right now if he knew what I had become.

But it wasn't my fault I was this way. And had he known Victoria would come back for me he probably would have stuck around a while longer to ensure this wouldn't have happened. I flinched as I remember her biting me, but after that, it all went black. Jake told me that the werewolves fought her off and killed her so that she couldn't finish me off. All the while, I was turning into a vampire without anyone's knowledge. By the time they got to me, it was too late. The transformation had already begun.

I had never admitted this to anyone, but at times I wish they wouldn't have been there to stop her. At least if I had died, I would have had peace. I wouldn't have had to live for _eternity_ loving someone who didn't love me. Eternity is a long time to get over someone, but Edward was not someone who could be gotten over. Even though I had now had eternity, it would never be enough time to heal the pain, the heartache, the downright misery that I felt. There would never be enough time to pass to make me forget the way he looked, the way he smelled, and the way I melted at his every touch. He was my first and only true love, and even a dead, cold heart could never forget that.

I now stared at the college I had chosen to be my first. I felt Kate squeeze my hand when I also stared at the crowd of adolescent humans surrounding the door. I couldn't help but feel enormous gratitude towards my best friend, and I would forever owe her. Kate was a vampire as well, and had basically taken me under her wing when I was learning how to be one myself. Fortunately for me, she also considered herself to be a "vegetarian" and helped me to hunt animals and gain control of my thirst for humans. I knew very little about Kate's history prior to meeting her. I knew something had traumatic happened to her mate, but that was all because she didn't like to talk about it. So I didn't ask. I knew how it felt to want to suffer in silence, and this worked for both of us.

"Ready?" she asked as looked at me with concern as to how I was handling it. She knew my other reason for being nervous; I never had to say anything.

"As ready as I'll ever be" I replied. I had to do it sometime.

We walked into the University of Alaska and she guided me through the halls to the large auditorium where our first class would be taking place. The seats were already half full and we quickly chose a seat in the middle. I began unloading my books and I was all of a sudden very excited. It took everything in me to control this excitement and pull my pens out of my bag at a human pace. I was ready to feel normal again, and this was about as close to normal as I was going to get.

As soon as I gathered my things onto my desk, I realized I had left my notebook in Kate's car. I shuffled through my bag to see if I had any other loose paper to scribble on, but seeing as I had none, I knew I was going to have to go get it.

"Hey Kate, I'll be back I left my notebook in your car, can I have your keys?"

"Will you be able to handle going by yourself, do you need me to come with you?" she asked as she dropped her key into my hand.

"No, I think I'll be alright, I'm really in total control right now."

I gave her a reassuring smile that I could handle it and headed towards the door. The parking lot was empty as most of the students had already made it to their classrooms. I strolled across the parking lot at an agonizingly slow pace as it would have been much more fun to sprint across it at full speed, but I had to be sure not to do anything foolish in case someone should happen to see me. I made it to Kate's car, retrieved my notebook, and started heading back towards the school.

It was at that time I stopped dead in my tracks. A shiny silver Volvo had just pulled in a few spaces away. I shook my head in disbelief, trying to convince myself that anyone could happen to have a shiny silver Volvo and it was no need to hyperventilate. Of course I didn't even need to breathe anymore, but I chose to hold my breath anyway.

I couldn't tear my eyes away as I watched in horror what happened next. The man got out of his car and also seemed to stop dead in his tracks as he stared at me, staring at him. If my heart could beat it would have been beating straight out of my chest. I didn't know what to think, I couldn't even move as my mind began to race incoherent thoughts. It had been five years since I had seen him. Five years since my heart broke into a million pieces. Five years since he promised me I would never see him again. And yet here I was, face to face, with none other than Edward Cullen.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

EPOV

I looked at the clock and decided it was finally time to leave for class. Not that I even needed a clock, I was always painfully aware of what time it was. Although, time didn't even matter anymore, as it never seemed to pass. Each day for the past five years had been the same. Sure I was in different places, different surroundings, but the agony I felt always remained. In fact, each day it only seemed to grow worse than the day before, even though I would swear to myself that it wasn't possible.

The only reason I was even going to start college again was for a distraction. I finally decided that five years of doing nothing but letting my misery destroy me piece by piece was becoming overwhelmingly too much to handle. If I didn't do something soon I was going to ask Alice to start looking for Bella again so I could run to her and beg her to take me back. Of course Alice knew I wanted her to do so, and she would ask me on a daily basis if she could. She missed Bella almost as much as I did. She was also tired of seeing me in the condition that I was in. I could hardly function. I withdrew from my family, only hunted when absolutely necessary, and would often disappear for months at a time to do nothing but the same thing I was already doing at home; letting my devastation have me.

It wasn't that I didn't love my family, and I hated hearing their thoughts as they worried about me constantly. I just didn't have anything left in me. I hadn't felt any emotion other than anger, guilt, misery, devastation, in five years. I had never wanted sleep more than I wanted it now. Maybe if I could sleep, I wouldn't have to go to college just to have something take up a little part of my day. Maybe if I could sleep, I could dream of Bella. And if I could be with Bella in my dreams, I would make certain that I would never wake up…

"Are you ready to go Edward?" Alice asked, diverting my attention. Alice was making sure I would actually go today and not spend another day alone in solitary grief.

"Yes Alice, I was just on my way out." I picked up my bag as proof that I was really going and she didn't have to stand there like a mother making sure her child didn't skip class.

"Are you sure you don't want any of us to go with you? Really Edward, a little moral support could be good for you if you'd just let us…"

"I'm fine Alice, don't worry. All of you just graduated with another degree and can start your jobs. It's not your fault I chose to stay at home on that round of college. Besides, we're going to have to start over again soon anyway, might as well enjoy a little life out of school for a change." I was trying hard to convince her to let me go alone. I didn't need an audience in case this plan of distraction didn't work.

_You know I'm here anytime you need me Edward. _Alice thought while giving me a look of concern.

"Yes I know, thank you Alice." I said answering her thoughts. This time I forced a smile as I turned and headed out the door. I had to admit it was going to be very strange attending school without my siblings. But I felt this was something I had to do alone.

Outside my Volvo was waiting for me. I hadn't driven it for quite some time after I left Forks, as Bella's scent had lingered in it as a constant painful reminder. But I realized there was no sense in driving another car because Bella's scent was something that was engraved in my memory, something that I would always smell, whether I was in my car or on the other side of the planet. And trust me, I would know, because I had been on the other side of the planet just to test this theory.

I drove to school at my usual 90 MPH pace, not thinking about anything but how wonderful this would be if Bella was by my side going to her first college class. Of course she would be clenching the seat and screaming at me to slow down and I chuckled at the memory of the first time she rode with me going this fast and how she panicked every time from then on. But my smile quickly faded as I realized Bella was probably graduated from college by this time, and I never got to see her first day. And worse than that, I'll never know what she chose to major in. I let my mind wonder about the many possibilities she could have chosen. She was a smart, intelligent girl - woman - by this point. And I soon realized that the possibilities were simply endless.

I decided to try to think about something else, anything else, so I turned on my radio and tried to drown out my thoughts. I couldn't even tell you what was playing, it could have been pure white noise for all I knew, but I just needed something to calm me down before I got to school. I wanted to appear at least somewhat normal when I decided to join the world again for the first time, and I didn't want to look like the train wreck I felt.

I turned the corner and saw the University of Alaska coming into view. I slowed the car down so that I didn't make the scene I would have, had I driven into it as fast as I had been going. The parking lot was surprisingly full and deserted considering I had taken the time to make sure I got here early so I could get a seat by myself.

As I pulled into the parking lot I saw an empty spot a few spaces down from a girl that was rummaging for something in her passenger seat. I paid little attention to her as I pulled in and turned off my vehicle. I could feel the girl looking in my direction but thought nothing of it as humans always seemed to stare at any vampire. We always attract humans, for our benefit, but attracting humans is not what I wanted. I hadn't feasted on a human in decades so I really didn't need any of the extra help my kind had to lure them in.

After feeling the girl stare at my car for longer than necessary, I could already feel the irritation building in me. This was not something I wanted to deal with today. I did not want to have to fake a polite conversation with every adolescent female that felt attracted to me. There had only been one human in my entire existence that had captured my interest as well as my heart, and there would never be another. She was it for me. _And the hardest part is, _I thought shaking my head, _you'll never have her again._

I decided to push those thoughts away because I knew where they would lead. I would start to wonder if she had moved on; found someone new, if there was even a possibility of having her again. But of course there wasn't a possibility! I had left for a very specific reason! And that was to keep her safe! If I went to her to even see if she would take me back that would jeopardize the entire purpose! She just wasn't safe around me. I could not let my selfish desires put her in harm's way. Feeling frustrated with myself for allowing my thoughts to go there again, I got out of my car.

What happened next was enough to make my dead, cold heart beat again. I hadn't taken the time away from my misery to notice that I could not hear the girl's thoughts. And now as I stood staring at her, staring at me, I knew exactly why. I felt my entire body freeze in place, locked as though I couldn't move even if I wanted to. I had to scream in my mind a few times to stop hallucinating before accepting this as reality. Because there I was face to face with my beautiful, more astonishing than ever, Bella.


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own these characters**

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Chapter 3

BPOV

As I stood there, staring at Edward, a wide variety of emotions hit me all at once. My first reaction was to run at him full force and slam him into the nearest vehicle kissing him with a passion that would leave both of us senseless. I lingered on this fantasy for nearly half of a second before my next emotion of blatant anger crashed upon me.

Here I was, moving on with my life, or at least what had become of it, and I was actually able to get through an entire day without crying tearlessly for hours on end, and he had the nerve to show up at _my _first college of choice and rip that peace from my fingertips! Seriously, of all the places he could possibly go in this _world _and he chose to show up here! Why would he come here?! This was going to be one of the most memorable days of my existence and he was going to ruin it by sending me spiraling down into another depression. And this time, I was sure that it would swallow me whole. Then the realization hit me that he must be just as surprised to see me here as I was to see him, and my next emotion which was fear, was the one that took control of the situation without my consent.

As I watched his face go from pure surprise to confusion I realized that he must know that I'm different. Obviously my once dark brown eyes were now a golden that matched his perfectly, and my heart that _should _have been beating at a rate clearly audible to his ears was no longer. Those two small details would definitely not be missed and would be all the confirmation he needed to know what I had become. And no doubt, he would be angry.

All of this contemplation took nearly 3 seconds as I processed all of these emotions before he had finished taking his first step towards me. I didn't know what to do and my mind screamed at me to do something fast before I could experience the full wrath of Edward Cullen.

My first thought was to run away from him. Run away from him, the college, this life I had built, everything and start over once again. I was trying to calculate how much faster he was than normal vampires and realized I probably wouldn't make it very far even at my fastest of speeds before he caught me. And then what would I do? Say _I'm sorry Edward, I know you didn't want this to happen, but I promise to stay out of your life even though I will be around forever. _No, I couldn't deal with a conversation like that again. He had already made his feelings well known that he wanted nothing to do with me, and I didn't want to have to go through the anguish of feeling that pain again when he would explain to me that just because I was a vampire those feelings still remained. I shouldn't have to, I already knew. It wasn't my fault that I was like this and I didn't feel like I should have to explain that to him. He probably wouldn't believe me anyway.

"Bella…?" He said my name like it was a question to make sure he was really seeing what he thought he was seeing. I wanted to scream out _yes it's me Edward; yes what you're seeing is true, I am a vampire!_

But instead what I chose to do was run. And run I did. I didn't care that he saw me run at inhuman speeds, he already knew. He already had confirmation in more ways than one, so it didn't matter that I added one more to the list. But instead of running away from the college and this life I built, I ran straight into it. I knew Edward, and I knew he wouldn't want to cause a scene. Especially one that would show others what we were. So I ran straight into the building, and into the sea of students that had formed in the hallways as class was going to start at any moment. I didn't look back to see if Edward had followed me. I didn't want to see the anger in his eyes. The last vision I saw of Edward was one of confusion, and that was how I wanted it to remain as that was a much better image.

When I reached Kate I sat down beside her, trying my best to look as calm as possible. And to humans I probably did. I was relatively good at masking my emotions, but Kate could see right through it.

"Bella! Oh my God are you okay?! What happened out there? I thought you were just going to get a notebook…" Her voice was too quiet for anyone else to hear so the professor started class without even glancing in our direction. There was no way I was going to be able to suppress this without talking about it. Suffering in silence just did not seem like it would work right now.

"He's here." That was all I could say at that moment as I felt my hands beginning to shake. I used to have such good control. I had practiced it for moments like this. Not that I ever thought that this particular situation would come up that I would need to hide all emotions. _Calm down Bella!_

"Who's here?" She asked before she quickly realized and I could see the alarm spring into her eyes.

"Yes, _he's _here." I said as I put emphasis on the word _he _so she would know exactly who I was talking about.

"How do you know? Did you see him? Was he in the parking lot? Did he talk to you?!" Her questioning was coming out in one quick jumbled mess but I had practice with being a fast listener and caught them all.

"Yes, he was out in the parking lot, and he definitely saw me. He said my name once but I didn't respond to him I just ran in here before anything else could happen…" I was quickly replaying the entire 10 second incident in my mind. When I was out there time had seemed to stand still but in reality it had only been a brief moment.

"Wait," Kate said as she was taking the whole scene in, "when you say that you _ran in here_, you didn't run at full speed did you?"

I just looked with a clear "yes" written all over my face.

"Bella! Why would you do that? Now he is going to know and he is going to be so angry! You shouldn't have done that!" She was scolding me but she had compassion and understanding in her voice. And I knew that she understood. She would have done the same thing, I was sure of it.

"No, Kate, he knew before that. Think about it, my eyes are golden, my heart isn't beating. There wasn't a chance that I could fake being human around him. Besides, I saw the confusion written all over his face. And he even said my name as if he was asking if it was really me."

"So what are you going to do? You can't hide out in here all day, you're going to have to face him someti-"

"Isabella Swan?" My professor called our attention back to reality during attendance.

"Bella." I corrected him at the same time of letting him know I was present. I saw him make a small note on the paper of my name preference before moving onto the next person.

We waited a few more moments for him to call Kate's name so we wouldn't be interrupted in this emergency again for the rest of class.

"Katelyn Williams?" The professor called.

"Just Kate" she said and I watched him make another note on his paper.

"So what are you going to do?" She asked turning her attention back to me and my horrific situation I was in.

"I don't know! No matter what I say to him he's never going to believe me that I really didn't choose this life. And even if he does believe me, I'm still going to have to listen to him tell me that it doesn't change anything, he still doesn't love me and we can't be together. And believe me, Kate, I already know all this and I swear that I've accepted it. But I just can't take hearing it again, you know? I can't allow myself to feel the heartbreak again. I just don't feel I would survive."

She looked at me with a pained expression. She knew how emotionally unstable I had been after our breakup. She wasn't there for the initial few months of it, thank God, because no one should have to see that. Only Charlie and Jake knew how black my life had become. And I vowed that they would be the only ones who ever would. This is why I could hide my emotions so well, because I hid them for Charlie. As long as Charlie was happy at seeing me make an effort with my life, then I was happy. For a brief moment at least.

"Well Bella, I wish I could tell you that I knew the answer to this but I don't. I guess it depends on how aggressive he is at wanting to know why you are this way, and how aggressive he will be about bitching you out about it. But no matter what, I got your back and he isn't going to be able to tear you down again. I won't let it happen, I swear it." And this is why I loved Kate so much. Because she really truly cared and always would. She was the kind of friend that you knew would always be there, willing to kick a girl's ass for staring at your boyfriend for too long.

"Thanks Kate but I don't think that this will be too big of a problem. Edward ran to get away from me before; once he knows that we are in the same town again he will most likely run again. I would bet that I won't ever see him again and all of this will blow over and be as if it never happened." As I said this I couldn't help but remember one of the last words he ever spoke to me. _It will be as if I never existed. _

EPOV

I stood there in utter disbelief at what had just happened. If it really happened? It was all so fast that it was hard to tell. There was Bella standing merely feet from me, but yet it wasn't Bella. It looked like Bella, and I couldn't hear her like Bella, but it was her eyes that gave her away first. They weren't the same. They were like… like _mine_. Like she had hunted just prior to coming here so that her thirst was so satiated that the burn would be tolerable around humans. Wait a minute, where was I going with this? Was I suggesting what I thought I was suggesting?

And then there was her heart. I couldn't hear it. And if I knew Bella correctly then seeing me for the first time would have sent it straight into overdrive. I listened again, intently. Nothing. I watched her face twist from different emotions rather quickly. First there was pure love in her eyes, laced with a hint of something else, perhaps lust? I couldn't tell and I wished more than anything at this point to be able to hear her. But as I thought about her possibly feeling love and lust towards me still after all this time I felt my heart soar with my own emotions of loving her with all of my being. I wanted desperately to run to her and draw her into my arms and never let her go. I would pick her up and run away with her and kiss her, and touch her, and smell her, and just be with her and tell her she was mine forever, and I was hers if she would have me.

This elation that I felt didn't last long as I watched her face twist impossibly fast from anger, that I was _definitely_ sure was anger, to then what appeared to be apprehension and outright fear. Was Bella afraid of me? That question was confirmed as a yes along with another question that I hadn't dared to ask myself yet. I took a step towards her, feeling the electricity growing stronger and I wanted to just be near her already, but had to take this slow due to her apprehension.

"Bella…?" I didn't need to ask if it was her, I knew, but somehow her name still came out like a question.

And then I saw something that I never thought I would see. Something I didn't want to see. Bella, my Bella, turned from me and ran towards the school. And when I say ran, I mean she was already through the door before any normal human would have had time to blink. It was all the confirmation I needed. My Bella was a _vampire._

My mind hissed at the word. How did this happen? More importantly _when _did this happen? And why didn't she tell me?! I was feeling a mixture of hateful anger and pure bliss at the same time. Talk about a very odd combination of emotions. First of all, some vampire obviously did this to her, and when I found out whom, they would die. I knew to my very core that Bella would never ask someone to do this to her other than myself. _So what happened?_ I thought and I wanted desperately to be able to read her mind and figure it all out at this very second. Who knew when Bella was going to come out of that building again, and patience was definitely not one of my best qualities.

So I decided I would wait at her car until she came out. And while I did this I was both fuming in anger, planning horrible torturous way that this vampire was going to die, and I was also fantasizing about the life that was ahead of Bella and me. Now that she was a vampire, I couldn't risk her life, I couldn't harm her. It was too perfect. We would be able to have the life that I had dreamt of for the last 5 years.

I envisioned Bella coming towards me, holding her hand out to me as I took it with eagerness, almost physically pained from the distance between us. In this fantasy she reached her free hand up, gently tracing her fingers from my jaw, down my neck, to my chest leaving her hand directly over my heart. I leaned down, cupping her face with both of my hands and kissed her softly.

I quickly snap out of my dream when I realized that Bella had just run from me hours before this. What did that mean? Her expression clearly stated that she was afraid of me, but why? She knows I would never harm her, and I needed to know the meaning behind all of her emotions that came in an instant. _Patience Edward_ I thought to myself. _She will be out soon and you will have all of your answers._

It seemed as though Bella would never come. But I was determined and ready to wait the entire day if I had to. And just when I thought that maybe I should go looking for her, I saw her coming out of the building, with a look of intensity on her face. I listened closely to what she was saying to a small blonde haired girl beside her.

"Oh my God, he's sitting at your car!" She looked nervous again, and I wanted to run to her and comfort her and tell her that I would do anything to make this irrational fear of hers go away.

"It's going to be ok Bella." I heard the blonde girl say to her. I could also hear her thoughts and they were none too pleasant. _If he even tries speaking to her he's going to wish he hadn't. I swear I will fuck him up worse than he did her. Far worse. He won't even know what hit him._

I felt a growl rise in my chest as I realized this girl was going to attempt to keep me from Bella.

They finally reached the car and I was not going to have this girl keep me from my love so I immediately placed myself in front of the passenger side door, which I assumed to be Bella's spot since this wasn't her car.

"Edward," Bella said my name with a harsh tone, "please move out of the way so I can leave."

"But Bella, we really need to talk." I tried not to sound too desperate even though I knew I did. This was the first time I had spoken to her in five years and I wasn't about to have it end this way. There were too many questions unanswered. Too many things I had to say. Too many kisses I had to give her and too many apologies I owed her. On top of all that I hadn't even had a chance to get on my knees and beg her for forgiveness. No, she couldn't leave. I wouldn't let her.

"Listen here, what was your name, DICKward? Bella doesn't need to hear anything you have to say. You have already said and done enough, so just let her go before you do more damage." This little friend of hers was going to piss me off and push me too far if she said anything else so I quickly shut her up.

"I don't believe I was speaking to you now was I? This is between Bella and me, absolutely none of your business, so I would appreciate it if you would go. I understand this is your car, so go ahead and leave, but Bella is staying with me." I said this with as much defiance as I could, hoping I didn't upset Bella.

"If you think you are going to do so much as breathe in Bella's direction-" She was cut off as we both looked and realized Bella was gone. She had left so quietly, in our heated argument I didn't even hear her start sprinting. And I had no idea what direction she headed! I started spinning around frantically looking for any signs of what way she was going. There was nothing but a crowd of students that had started filling the parking lot and getting in their cars to leave for the day.

"See now look what you've done!" She got in her car and was out of the parking lot in an instant, cursing me in her thoughts as she drove off.

I started panicking at the thought of losing Bella again. _Losing her again?!_ I thought, _you idiot! You never even got her back! _In the midst of my despair I realized something that was both helpful and glorious in its own right. Bella's scent was still the same. And I could smell it strong as I started following the trail around the parking lot. I walked at a painstakingly slow pace until I was out of the parking lot and away from human eyes before I took off in the fastest sprint of my existence trying to find my love, and I wouldn't stop until I found her.

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**So this is my very first fanfic/story I've written so I would appreciate any feedback you'd like to share!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not own these characters.**

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Chapter 4

BPOV

I wasn't sure how long it took them to realize I wasn't standing there. It probably didn't take long at all, but at least it gave me some sort of a head start. I didn't really know where I was planning on running to, I was just running. Edward had said we needed to "talk". The last time he uttered those words my entire life came crashing down upon me, and I was fully prepared to fight for that to never happen again. I didn't need the reminder he was going to give me about leaving him alone. I promised myself in that moment that I would do anything within my power to make Edward believe that I didn't love him anymore, that I had moved on, and that he didn't need to worry about me trying to creep back into his life. This was going to be easier said than done.

I was never any good at hiding my emotions from Edward, but I was hoping that with the experience I had gained from hiding them from everyone else that I could somehow pull it off. I would be as convincing as possible, and when he was going to reinforce his absence of feelings for me I would simply nod my head in understanding and set him free. If we were going to have to avoid each other for eternity on such a small earth, I would have to make sure he knew I wouldn't go looking for him. I hadn't yet anyway, so hopefully that truth would be enough to convince him.

I found myself running straight into a forest before long. It would be a perfect place to collect my thoughts and calm myself down before facing him. I was certain that tomorrow he would be at the school again waiting to confront me, and this time I would be ready.

I slowed down to a more human pace and saw a rock inviting me to sit on it to allow myself to calm down gradually. I tried to reassure myself that everything was going to be okay before I felt the pain start to slither throughout my chest as I realized I was practically returning to the scene of the crime. Sure the last time Edward and I had spoken it had been in a different forest, but the feeling I was feeling now was exactly the same. I had just saw Edward, the love of my life and it was like ripping that hole in my chest wide open without so much as a warning. At this thought I found I could do nothing but finally allow myself to break down. For once I was away from everyone, including Kate, and I could just… let go. Although I would never be able to cry tears again, I shook almost convulsively as I let the pain over take me. It was much more intense because it had been a very long time since I allowed this to happen, and an even longer time since I saw the cause of it. Five years to be exact.

I didn't have a lot of time to sulk in self pity before I heard the footsteps approaching. I knew they couldn't have been anyone else's other than Edward's at the rate they were moving. _Oh no! _ I thought, _how did he find me?!_

My mind grew frantic as I realized he was only getting closer and I was still sitting on that stupid rock, frozen. It wasn't until I saw him coming into view that my mind finally started working properly again. I knew it was going to be no use to try to run again with him this close to me, but I still had to try. I got up and turned around, ready to make a break for it but he saw what I was about to do.

"Bella! Wait! Please don't run off again!" He screamed this out in an almost desperate tone, but I had already turned and started running. I hadn't made it very far, as I knew I wouldn't, before I heard his footsteps directly behind me. Panic set in and I realized I had no idea why I was _this_ afraid. It wasn't Edward necessarily that I was afraid of, but perhaps just the idea of wanting to get away so badly and knowing that I wasn't going to be able to. My thoughts for a brief moment lead me back to a familiar scene of trying to escape Victoria, and knowing what was coming for me instead.

My thoughts were still in the hunt zone, in which I was the victim when Edward slammed into me from behind with such force that sent us both falling to the ground. He landed on top of me and I immediately began to squirm with all of my might trying to get loose from his grip.

"I don't think so!" he said while still lying on top of me. "You aren't going anywhere!"

It was no use, even though I was a vampire now he was still so much stronger than me. Perhaps if this event had take place when I was a newborn I would have had a small chance of breaking free of his grasp, but the strength I had acquired during that time had long since worn off. My mind was screaming at me to somehow get away, to get out of the situation but I didn't have a chance. Edward wasn't going to let me go. He flipped me over on my back, sitting on my hips while pinning my hands above my head, completely immobilizing me. I knew that I was going to have to deal with this situation _now_, whether I was ready or not because it was obvious that he wasn't going to give me a choice. I tried to reason with myself that at least if I got it over with now I wouldn't have to deal with it tomorrow because he would be gone by then and I could get on with my pathetic life. There was no way he would stick around knowing that I was here. Once he said what he had to say he would take off. I finally looked to see him staring down at me with such intensity I knew it was time to put on my mask, and get this show on the road.

EPOV

"I don't think so! You aren't going anywhere!" I said this a bit harsher and louder than I needed to considering she wasn't able to break free, but I wanted her to know that I wasn't going to let her go. I finally had a hold of her and as I was trying not to focus too much on the electricity that was radiating between us due to our contact, I swiftly turned her over on her back and sat on her hips. I pinned her arms above her head to the ground, making it impossible for her to move. Now she had no choice but to talk to me.

Upon realizing that I was able to catch her and hold her down I knew that she had been a vampire a long time because her newborn strength had worn off. She would have easily been able to fight me off if this wasn't the case. Instead I was easily able to hold her down. This thought almost angered me as I realized she had kept this secret from me for however long and I needed to know why. Why hadn't she found me to tell me that she was a vampire and we could be together? The inability to read her mind at this point was the most excruciating torture ever. She finally looked up at me and I saw all emotions drain from her face. There was nothing but a blank stare looking back at me.

"Bella," I whispered her name, my mind was reeling. I had so much to say and so many questions to ask that I didn't even know where to begin.

I decided to start with the most vitally interesting/important. "How long have you been like this?"

"About five years, Edward." She answered and I knew she was being honest. I was also horrified because that was the same amount of time that had passed since I left her.

"What do you mean five years? Who did this to you?! It certainly wasn't my family and I know there were no other vampires in Forks! Bella, please you have to tell me what happened to you!"

"Okay, Edward, I will if tell you if you get off of me!" Her command made me break my train of thought instantly because I had almost forgotten I was still pinning her to the ground. I could sense that she wasn't going to try to run away again, so I slowly got up and helped her to a standing position before leading her over to a fallen tree stump so we could sit down.

I looked at her still very blank, very composed face. I wondered what emotions she was hiding from me. Bella never hid her emotions with me. I was always the one person that could get anything out of her. Even her eyes were blank as she knew I always looked in them as a window to her mind. She was hiding whatever she was thinking very well, and I nearly growled in frustration. _What is she hiding? _I realized she still hadn't answered my question about what happened to her.

"Bella," I sighed, "Who did this to you?"

"Victoria." Every muscle in my body went tight at the sound of that name. But Bella still showed no sign of emotion, and she didn't elaborate. How could she possibly just say it without any expression, as if it didn't matter that she had her soul and mortality ripped from her?

"What do you mean Victoria did this to you?!" I was suddenly growing angrier than ever as I once again began to plot the torturous ways this vampire was going to die, but this time I had a face to go along with the vision.

"Well, Edward, she came back for me right after you left. Apparently James was her mate. She wanted revenge, mate for mate. I told her that you and your family had left me and it wouldn't really be revenge for you but she decided she didn't care."

"So what exactly happened Bella, I mean why didn't she kill you?" I was trying to calm but when I said the word kill the anger swelled again. I couldn't imagine anyone hurting, let alone killing my Bella. Yes, this bitch was going down.

"Well she only had a chance to bite me once before Jake and his pack got to me and killed her. They tried to save me but the fight lasted too long and the transformation had already started…"

"What do you mean by 'Jake and his pack'?" I cut her off with that question that involuntarily exploded from my mouth before I could hear the full story.

"Jake Black, I'm sure you know his pack. They are werewolves and they had been trying to protect me. But I had just happened to be at the wrong place in the wrong time and they didn't get to me until it was too late…"

"You put your lives in the hands of werewolves?! No wonder this happened to you! Anyone could have done a better job of protecting you than werewolves could! Of all the…" I stopped short because I finally saw some sort of emotion flicker across her face before she quickly composed herself again. It looked like it could have been anger but it was so sudden I wasn't sure.

"Well I'm sorry Edward, but they were all I had. It's not like I could rely on a human to help protect me from her, and I certainly didn't have _you _to protect me, so what was I to do?! And those werewolves you speak of happen to be my friends and they at least protected me enough so that I'm not _dead_ right now!" Her words stung me. She was right. I hadn't been here to protect her. I had thought all along that she was safer without me, but in the end being without me is what made her like this. This was my fault, I was to blame. I would have to add this to my long list of apologies and things to make up to her for the rest of forever.

"Bella, I am so sorry, I really didn't know. I swear if I was there that I would have protected you, that you wouldn't have to be like this now. I don't even know what to say Bella… I just… God I am so sorry!" I felt my body unconsciously edging closer to her during this speech without my mind's consent. I was being drawn to her and all I wanted to do was draw her into my arms and kiss her, trying to reassure her that everything was going to be alright, and at least now we could finally be together.

"It's okay Edward, really, I've accepted it. It's not your fault any of this happened, you were just doing what you thought was right for both of us." She had backed away from me slightly. It hurt to see her resist me so much. She was probably still angry with me for leaving her and not protecting her. She had every right to be.

"But I don't want you to worry Edward." She continued without any expression on her face, still. "This won't change anything between us. If you choose to stay here I promise I'll stay out of your way." I was growing very confused as I watched her stop for a moment as if to take a deep breath that I knew she didn't need before continuing. It seemed as if she was bracing herself for something, or trying to remember the lines she had to recite.

"But I want you to know that I am staying here. I've built a life here for the time being, and this is my first time attempting college. I am going to stay here as long as possible before I have to pack up and start over again. I'm sure you understand this. So if you're gone in the morning, believe me there will be no hard feelings. I won't try to stop you as I did before because I've moved on."

I didn't know what to think. What did she mean that she wouldn't try to stop me? Why did she think I was going to leave? And did she mean what I thought she meant by moving on? I felt my heart sink as I was trying to process all of this at once. Before I could ask her to clarify everything she had just dumped on me her phone started vibrating.

We both looked down and saw that Kate was calling. I was about to ask who Kate was but Bella answered before I could form the question.

"I'm sorry Edward but I'm going to have to go. Kate is probably worried sick after the way I ran off." So Kate was the girl that tried to stop me from talking to Bella before, and now she was interrupting our reunion without even being here. I was not going to be fond of this girl, at all.

"Bella, wait." I grabbed her hand as she stood up and tried to plead her with my eyes not to leave yet. I wasn't finished talking to her. I needed to know what she meant by everything she just said. And I still hadn't had the chance to kiss her yet! But would she even give me a chance to kiss her? I wasn't as sure now that her words were reflecting in my mind. They sounded very much like she didn't want to be with me, like she didn't love me anymore. I had to know.

"Edward," she sighed while looking down at me. Still no emotion. "I'm sorry about popping up in your life again. But as I said I promise to stay out of your way. I feel the same as you do Edward. So don't worry, everything will return to normal tomorrow. I promise."

And with that she turned around and within a second was out of view. Return to normal?! I laughed out loud. My life hadn't been _normal _since that very first day of meeting her Biology. What did she know of my life being normal? And what did she mean by all of this! If she thought that she wasn't going to see me tomorrow she was wrong. I would be waiting for her again at school because I still had more questions that needed answered.

I got up and slowly started home. I couldn't quit replaying the entire scene in my mind. I couldn't kill Victoria since she was already dead. I was slightly annoyed that the werewolves already accomplished that because now that I knew she was the one who did this it would have been slightly enjoyable to torture her in such a way that she begged for death before I would allow her to have it.

I was almost home before I had replayed the scene more than one hundred times trying to dissect and interpret everything Bella had said. The conversation had been so short and unsatisfying I felt myself growing angry again with this alleged "Kate" character. Who was she anyway? That was just one more question left unanswered.

But the unanswered question that was plaguing me the most was the inconsistency of her thoughts. She said that she felt the same way as me. Which if that's true then that means she loves me. But right before she said that she also said that she had moved on. So what the hell does _that _mean?

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**Thank you to everyone for your reviews and encouragement! I've discovered that I really love writing as much as I love reading so this is a very exciting time for me to write my first story! Thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**It was brought to my attention that there is some confusion about Kate. No she is not the Kate from Denali, and I hadn't even really thought about it before naming her. Sorry for any confusion! She is just another vampire that Bella became friends with, she has no connection with the Cullen's.**

**This chapter is a little short, and I'm sorry for taking so long to update, real life has definately been kicking my ass. Hopefully I will be able to post again soon... I hope!**

**I do not own these characters.  
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Chapter 5

EPOV

I didn't even make it halfway up the steps to the front door of the house before Alice busted through it, knocking into me so forcefully we both almost fell. I stood back just staring at her, trying to contain the anger I felt for her not telling me about Bella. She had to have seen this; this was something to great to miss!

"Edward, Edward! I just saw what happened! I don't know how I could have missed something like that… I just… I didn't… you told me not to look! I didn't know…" Her words were coming out in such a shambled mess I had put my hand up to stop her incessant rambling.

"Alice, I told you not to look into her future so I am trying to focus on that so I can control my anger that I know shouldn't be directed toward you. So please stop apologizing and just let me be for a while so I can sort out what ever just happened today." I started to walk past her but she caught my arm causing me to swing around to face her. I'd never be able to get over how such a tiny person could have such strength, even for a vampire.

"Edward, I swear if I would have seen something like this, I definitely would have told you! But you made me promise to never watch Bella's future so I kept to that promise. The only way I know about this is because _your _future became such a mess flashing before my eyes that I had to look to see what was going on. My God Edward, you were a mess today! How you ever made even one definite decision is beyond me. I could hardly keep up!" She was doing it again. More rambling, though this time it was at least more coherent.

"Alice, have you told anyone about this…?" I knew without her speaking that the answer was yes. I could see flashes of Esme running through her mind at the second she told her. Esme seemed…joyous? It was hard to comprehend that anyone would be happy that this happened to Bella, even though I knew myself that I felt that twinge of hope at the thought. Bella and I could finally be together. And now I knew where that joy from Esme was coming from. She would finally be able to have Bella as the daughter she had always loved.

More images flashed through Alice's mind of the entire family because she had already shared the news with them hours before. Apparently they had all been anxiously awaiting my return, but Alice felt it was her responsibility to meet me first, to try to bear the brunt of my anticipated anger because she felt that this was her fault. Of course it wasn't her fault, but she knew I was wrongfully blaming her anyway.

"Alice, this isn't your fault. We're going to find out a way to sort through this whole mess. But from now on, you can watch Bella. I will need to know if anything catastrophic happens like this again." Well of course nothing like _this _would happen again, I thought to myself. Because once something like _this _happens that was it. However, from knowing Bella so well I knew that there would be chances for other monumentally damaging events to happen, so I had better put Alice's eyes on her just to make sure.

_I'll never let her out of my sight again, Edward. _I just looked at Alice, seeing her thoughts race with new things that her and Bella could do together. Alice was already thinking of shopping trips galore, and I just chuckled knowing that Bella wouldn't have changed in the aspect of hating shopping.

My smile quickly vanished as I thought back to Bella's words. _I've moved on._ Had Alice seen this? Did she know what it meant? Would Bella allow all of us back into her heart after all of the damage? I thought of Alice and Esme, knowing that they would take it the hardest if Bella chose to stay away from us. And just per usual, Alice seemed to know exactly what I was thinking.

"I know she will forgive us Edward. She's already decided to be my friend again. And Esme will be like a mother to her. Of course she will be a part of our family, in a way…" I looked at her, urging her to continue, trying to ignore the pain threatening to envelope me whole at the words 'in a way'.

"What about me, Alice? Is she going to forgive me? Today she seemed nearly terrified of me, but in the end she seemed emotionally empty as she said that she had moved on. What did she mean by that? Has she found someone else? Please Alice I need to know…" My voice broke at the end as I was fighting back tearless sobs. I had never become this emotionally undone in front of anyone. Even when I left Bella I normally never let my family see me this way, choosing to suffer Bella style - in silence. Being apart from my family in my worst of times, so that they would never have to see me in such distress. I couldn't handle their thoughts, especially Esme's. Always so concerned and motherly, only wanting to see her son smile again, let alone play the piano. But this time I couldn't hold back in front of Alice, and she was the only one I felt I could break down in front of anyway.

She hugged me as I sobbed and thought about the entire mess of the situation. Because of my stubbornness, my need to control every situation, everyone involved would have to suffer. Bella suffered because I was not there to protect her and she lost everything. My family suffered because they lost Bella. I suffered because I left Bella and now that I had a glimpse of hope of getting her back; it was being taken away by my ridiculous, impulsive actions.

"Edward, I do not know how things will play out between you and Bella because her future is just as unclear as yours. One moment today I saw her making a decision to slam you up against a car and kiss you. But the last vision I saw was one of her packing up and leaving and not ever trying to find you. I do know that she will talk to me if I go to her; she's already thought about it. So tomorrow when I talk to her, I will try to find out if there is someone that she is seeing, or what she even meant by that. I'm sure it's nothing and she is just confused. You really can't blame her for being confused, it's not like she ever thought she would see you again. And yet here you are." She smiled up at me, but it didn't reach her eyes. She was just as worried about what Bella's final decision would be as I was. However, it didn't escape me that Bella had wanted to kiss me. In fact, she had wanted to slam me up against a car. She had to still love me…didn't she?

"But Edward, I also know that you aren't going to give up on her. You won't be able to leave her alone now that you know where she is, what she is, and what you two are capable of having." She winked at me and dragged me into the house where I would have to talk to my family, something that I was clearly not ready to deal with yet. I wasn't ready for questions that I did not even have the answers to myself.

I walked into the living room to find my entire family waiting with anxious eyes. "Well I guess you all know about Bella now," I looked at Alice with the best look of distain I could muster, but even she knew I wasn't that angry. It was better for her to tell everyone than me.

Esme spoke first. "Oh, Edward tell me how she is! Is she ok? She must have been terribly frightened to have to go through this alone…" I cut her off before she could say anything else that would make me want to hit the ground on my knees out of sheer guilt, grief, and agony. She didn't mean for me to see the images of Bella she had in her head. Bella going through her transformation alone, crying out with no one there to comfort her. Of course we didn't really know that that was what happened, but Esme's motherly instincts took over and she immediately assumed the worst scenario, her heart breaking at the mere thought.

"She seemed good, really. A bit shaken by seeing me, obviously, but otherwise good. She seems to have a friend, Kate," I almost sneered her name knowing that at this point her and Bella were probably discussing today and she would be trying to convince Bella to never speak to me again, "who seems to have taken her under her wing. Trust me I'm going to try to find out everything I can in due time. In the mean time, I think I'll be up in my room."

"Edward, son…" I vaguely heard Carlisle's voice as I fleeted up the stairs to my room, locking myself in, though knowing it was no use. If anyone really wanted to come in a lock would most definitely not stop them. I tried to drown out the thoughts of my family downstairs, some cursing me for not giving any more details, some cursing me for being such an idiot to begin with, and others having concern for me. Those last thoughts coming from Carlisle and Esme, of course.

I laid down on my couch in complete stillness as I contemplated what I should do next. Obviously Alice and I both knew that I wouldn't be able to stay away from her. That was simply not an option. But what if she didn't accept me as graciously as I hoped she would? What if I had already caused too much pain for her in order for her to forgive me? And even if she did forgive me, did she still love me? Would she want to be with me? Would she even let me be her friend? I felt myself ready to sob again at the thought of her not even giving me that. I would always remain with her though. Even if she didn't know I was there, I would be, in the shadows, constantly watching over her, wishing desperately for a time in which she could bring herself to forgive me and at least let me be her friend.

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**I realize that I may be taking this story very slow, but I'm not going to rush it just to have it move along quicker, and they certainly won't be getting back together anytime soon. I agree with those of tyou that think Bella forgave Edward way too easily in New Moon and I fully intend for her to make him wait. After all, he never did come back for her, they just happened to coincidentally run into each other. Please let me know what you think, review are appreciated! **


	6. Chapter 6

**I was able to get 2 chapters in this week! I give that credit to procrastination of homework! Hope you like it.  
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Chapter 6

BPOV

I had never been more grateful for a phone call from Kate than I had been at that moment. The charade I was putting on certainly wasn't fooling me, and I wondered if Edward saw through it as clearly as anyone else would have. The last thing I needed was for him to know how devastatingly and desperately in love with him I was, when he clearly didn't reciprocate those feelings. In fact, with our conversation being so brief he really didn't get a chance to say much of anything so I had no idea how he really felt. I knew he must have been angry at first, but he didn't seem to be angry with me, but certainly angry with Victoria. He almost seemed upset that Jake and his pack had killed her; perhaps he wanted that pleasure for himself. I couldn't know that for certain, but I did know that he didn't like that they were the ones to protect me. Maybe I was a bit harsh with my retaliation to his statements, but they were really all I had and he needed to know that. He couldn't blame me or them for the way things turned out. He left me to deal with her by myself, which was basically the same as leaving me for dead.

I felt myself growing angrier by the time I reached the house Kate and I shared. I knew she was waiting for me as all of the lights were on and I could see her through the living room window pacing back and forth, muttering to herself. Even with my expert hearing I only caught the words "going to die" and I smiled to myself in spite of my new found anger knowing she was plotting my revenge for me. She truly was my best friend. I knew that if I was upset in any way she would not take it lightly and would do anything to make it right. She was more like the sister I never had. And I definitely would do the same for her.

As I opened the front door to the house her eyes immediately met mine and she propelled herself to me pulling me into the tightest hug she'd ever given me. _This is like a hug I would receive from Emmett _I thought to myself, and immediately a pang of sadness filled me as I wondered if the rest of the family would be here if Edward was. I desperately wanted to see Alice. _Oh Alice if you're here please come talk to me! I need to see you so badly! _I was mentally thinking this as loud as I could, and hoped a vision would spring across Alice's mind, wherever she was. I hoped she was here. She had to be here.

"What happened? Tell me everything! Are you alright, do I need to find that good for nothing bastard and start ripping him to shreds? And what are you smiling for?!" Kate certainly knew how to make everything alright, even with her anger management issues.

"Kate, you have nothing to worry about I am perfectly fine. And you would have been so proud of me! I just told him what happened, briefly, with the straightest face you'd ever see." I told her about the brief encounter, not leaving a detail out, putting extra emphasis on the fact that I hid my love for him and didn't allow physical contact for too long. Who knows what would have happened to my resolve had he touched me longer than he did. Especially when he was pinning me down, I felt almost every part of him simultaneously, the electricity bouncing between us so strong I could hear the hum like background noise.

"And I can't tell you how grateful I am for you calling when you did; because that gave me the excuse I needed to get the hell out of there. I almost started to cave; I wonder if he could tell…" I said the last part lowly, still unsure if he could see right through my emotionless performance.

"Bella, I'm sure you did wonderful and he knows nothing of your feelings for him. And your right, I am proud of you. However, the fact that he didn't seem angry with you doesn't get him off the hook with me. He still hurt you, and I don't want to see him hurt you every day for the duration of your college experience because of his unfathomable lack of feelings towards you. We both know you're still in love with him, Bella. Are you going to be able to handle staying here if he is here? Or are you sure he will be gone tomorrow?" I took a deep breath before answering.

"Well as I told you, I told him I'm staying here and that is exactly what I intend to do. I've made myself a life and I'm not going to let an ex-boyfriend ruin for me what I've worked so hard to be able to do. I'm finally able to go to college and do something and I won't let him stop me. If he's gone in the morning, so be it. If he's still here, so be that too. I just won't talk to him. I don't need him in my life anymore than I need air in my lungs. Sure it'd be nice and it makes things more comfortable, but if he doesn't feel for me what I feel for him I don't see how we can be friends. I wouldn't be able to _just_ be friends with him, so we won't be anything at all." As I ended my little speech I was surprised at how true my words were. I didn't have to make them up. I could do this; I could survive without Edward Cullen. I was an independent woman who didn't rely on any man to get me this far, so I wouldn't start now!

With this new line of thinking I dared to wonder… could I possibly get over Edward Cullen? Did seeing him again finally give me the revelation that I needed?

"Why yes, I think it did. And yes, you _can_ get over Dickward Cullen." Had I just said all of that out loud?

"Kate, I'm going to need your help with this. If I'm going to get over Edward, and I mean _really _move on, I am going to need a lot of support. I'm going to have, a strategy, a plan in case he stays and I have to see him face to face every day. And he can't know that I'm still in love with him because if he does it will only break my resolve when he tells me that he doesn't feel the same."

"Yes! Oh this is going to be awesome Bella! We'll call it… Operation Get Over Dickward! Or how about just Operation Dickward? And we'll find you someone else! And you'll be so in love with them that you'll never even remember his name!" I laughed at Kate's excitement as she began chattering about who she could possibly set me up with. And she also made sure to mention that even if I didn't have someone, I was still that strong independent woman who didn't need a man.

I decided to retire to my room for the evening, hugging Kate goodnight and promising to start with Operation Dickward first thing in the morning. As for right now I was too mentally exhausted to continue the discussion further. At least laying down in complete stillness may help since I could no longer escape an exceptionally troublesome day with sleep.

As I lay on the bed in my room, which was still a complete disaster from this morning, I thought back to my words I had said to Edward right before I left. _I've moved on._ At the time I said them they were a complete lie. But now I wondered what if I did move on? What if I did have someone else? I had certainly had the opportunities since Edward, but I had always shut them down, claiming my heart would always belong to him. But why? It was obvious that he still didn't love me. Even now that I was a vampire, he never mentioned wanting to be with me, he was only interested in how I had become this way. Of course he had been angry that I was this way… because he didn't want to be with me. And right now he is probably worried about running into me from time to time, which might happen frequently in the centuries to come. But if I've moved on… found someone else, his mind would be put at ease and know that I meant it when I said I wouldn't try to ever stop him from leaving or try to find him. And eventually, maybe we could possibly be friends, in the very distant future, after my heart was finally free of the hold he had on it.

I smiled to myself, feeling elated at this epiphany I was having. Edward Cullen didn't own me, he didn't have my heart. He may have destroyed it, but he shouldn't have a hold on it anymore. I would give it to whoever I felt was worthy enough to put it back together. And until that happened, I would start mending it myself. I couldn't believe I had wasted all of this time wanting a man who would never want me. Wasting all of this time not being with someone who could want me and love me as I deserved. I was going to do it; I was going to put myself back into the dating game. And I'd be damned if I didn't find the sexiest, most sophisticated and loving vampire that ever did exist. And the best part is… I would finally be loved again.

I was already feeling my self confidence grow at the thought of it all. I couldn't wait to get started finding Mr. Right. I thought about even letting Kate introduce me to some of her friends. She'd been dying to introduce me to one in particular but I had always said no. What was his name? Mark? Michael? It may have been Michael but I'd have to ask Kate to be sure. She would be ecstatic to know that I finally pulled myself out of this slump and was going to join the real world again. Maybe if Alice and I became friends again, I'd even let her fix me up with new clothes and hair and makeup so I would look my absolute best when I finally put myself out there again.

But then again, why wait for her? Why not get started with the new me right now? I realized it was only 5 in the morning and I still had several hours before my first class, but I set to getting ready anyway. Besides, it had been so long since I really put time into doing my hair and makeup that it would take me a while anyway to get everything just right.

I busted out my hot rollers and make up bag (first blowing off all the dust collected on them) and was about to get started, but I first smiled at myself in the mirror before saying out loud "Bella Swan, you are one sexy bitch."

* * *

**I hope you are going to like my new Bella as much as I am. I decided I am tired of her having no self confidence and having to rely on Edward for everything. I may try her out with a few new people, so if you don't like seeing Bella with anyone but Edward I suggest you stop reading. Like I said, she got back with Edward too easily and he needs to realize what he had, and what better way for him to realize that than to see her making someone else happy? I'm kind of a bitch, I know. Review please! Let me know what you think! Constructive criticism is welcomed, but please don't bash. Remember, this is my first fic!**


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